Overcoming My Nerves

February 18, 2014

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So I’ve been listening to my friends about how to talk to women in random places. Many of them find it odd that I have a problem with it, cause I’m the funny person who can randomly spark conversations and make jokes from situations around us.

Although that’s true, I have a hard time actually getting it to go somewhere, or for someone to take me seriously as a result. If I am trying to be serious, I don’t really know what to say after the “hi.” If i’m making a joke, I don’t know how to proceed and ask for her number.

So today, I’m walking out of the parking garage and see this girl who looks puzzled. I assumed she was here for the first time and was asking her if I could help her find something. She said no, and just mentioned that she usually isn’t in this area and wanted to make sure that the parking lot didn’t close at an odd time, so I made some kind of joke about the organization and than we naturally had a conversation. Who I was, who she was, what I did for work, and why she was here.

Here is where I messed up, as I usually do. At the close, I just asked her, “What’s your name by the way.” She responded. And I simply shook her hand and said, “I’m Code Implementer” nice to meet you and I hope your orientation goes great. Have a good day.

It didn’t even occur to me at the time to ask her for her number, or something like that which would allow me to actually connect with this person again. I know even if I had thought of it, I would have thought it’d be awkward to do. So i’m wondering how someone would propose to ask for her number? Is it awkward to do so? Would I be putting her on the spot, making it uncomfortable?

I’d really like to improve myself in this department and just try to speak to more women on my own (in a somewhat flirtatious, seriousness manner).

I fear rejection big time. my friend that i talk to most frequently tells me that i only have asked out 2-3 girls, and they were all in high school, a decade ago at this point.

I’m a big guy, 5’10, 255 lbs (working on it, was 280). Which is why when i’m with my friends, i can chat up strangers and do all sorts of crazy stuff. When i’m on my own, i feel nothing but self-consciousness.

It’s weird because if I see a cute girl lets say just sitting somewhere and I think of wanting to talk to her, i get so nervous and scared and keep thinking (why would she want to even give me the time of day, she prob thinks i’m a creep or weirdo).

However, the girl today, i didn’t even think anything like that. She sincerely looked confused at the sign and I was just asking her if she needed help and the conversation was very fluid and smooth. It sucked because in that moment, I wasn’t even thinking about asking her for her number, just was curious about her (after seeing if she needed help).